Awaiting Spring

I love snow. But, like everyone else, this time of the year I start getting spring fever. I begin to think about all the spring flowers that will start blooming; crocuses first, then daffodils and then tulips. I can't help but smile. I don't know why it is that I love the spring flowers so much. I just do! You know it is going to start getting warmer. We can put our hats and mittens away. We can bring out our spring jackets and spring clothes. It's the flowers, though, that make me the most excited about spring. I think we will have to make another trip up to Holland, Michigan this year around tulip time!

Two of my babies were born in the spring. Interestingly enough, though their birthdates are about three weeks apart, the spring babies, my first and my last, were both born around Easter week. I remember it actually snowed on both birthdates. Spring snows are always a little surprising. My last baby was born in mid-April. I really wasn't expecting to see snow at that time here in Indiana. Just shows you how versatile our Indiana weather is!

I am thinking that we have had so much snow this winter that a lot of people up here in the north are probably suffering with serious spring fever by now. This weekend has been pretty nice. I saw a lot of people making use of the exercise trail near our home this weekend. Who can blame them? Temperatures were in single digits last weekend. How nice to have it be up in the 40's. It was in the 50's on Friday! There were joggers, dog walkers, and just a lot of people who were tired of being "cooped up" out there yesterday. Young ones in strollers, old ones, still bundled against the wind chill, and everything in-between making use of the beautiful day to be out.

Jay and I walked down the three or four blocks into town. (I can never tell you exactly how many blocks it is, because it kind of depends on which route you take. There is Warren street that slants up the hill by where we live and makes it three blocks in some places and four blocks in others.) We walked down to the library. We got some videos and a DVD. (The DVD was "The Ron Clark Story" with Matthew Perry. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it!) We walked to the little marketplace that used to be Park Pharmacy. There is a small store within the store where an Amish farmer sells eggs and meats and all sorts of things. We bought brown eggs, $1.50 a dozen. I don't care if the eggs are brown or white. I just like supporting the local farmer. I told Jay that I always feel so thrifty whenever we walk into town to buy things. Gas is just so high right now!

These little "tastes" of spring are kind of like a shot in the arm. The sun shining warm into the enclosed porch on the front of our house is so inviting and welcoming. I know, winter weather can return with a vengeance, and might, even today. That is why everyone was out yesterday taking advantage of the warm weather. We all know that spring has not arrived yet. No! It's still winter here! But we do put hope in the fact that the groundhog did not see his shadow, ( and how could he, it was a freakin' blizzard on  Groundhog Day!), we are looking forward to an early spring. But, thank God in Heaven for these few days when it feels like spring. The snow melts. We can go out for a little bit without our coats and not freeze our tails off! We can breathe without stinging our throats.

It has been a hard winter. But, once again, a lot of us have survived and are looking forward to spring and then the summer that follows. We feel like celebrating all the little harbingers along the way. (I saw a FLOCK of robins last Sunday, a Flock, even while it was still so cold!) So what if I only got to go ski once? Time to look forward to the next thing. Hope springs!

Thin Skinned

Something happened this weekend that I was just going to let completely go, because it really doesn't matter in the end. Just remember that I said this first, and let me repeat, "It Really Doesn't Matter!"  You see, one of my Facebook friends "unfriended" me.  No big deal. But the reason the person unfriended me was because I stated a counter political opinion to the one she had posted. I would tell you about it, but I think it is sufficient to say that I did vote for Obama, and though I don't support everything he has done, I do see the good in a lot of his and his wife's initiatives to do something for our country. But that is not what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about being "thin skinned". It's a term  I learned from my mom. It's a concept that I have been learning for years. "Thin skinned" is what you are when you can't tolerate any other person's views on anything. It is taking personal offense and declaring wars over generalities. I see it frequently, and have practiced it myself for years. I have learned, over and over again, that it is not a loving way to react or to be.

Some persons think that they can afford to be "thin skinned", because they know the truth and have wrapped themselves in its cocoon. It gives them the shield that they need so they think they can behave however they want. It results in the attitude of, "If you won't play by my rules, I will take my ball and go home." The end result is a broken relationship, just the same.

I won't say that I used to be "thin skinned".  I have to say that I still struggle with this. I have learned so much over the last 10 to 15 years, I hope.  I used to make sweeping judgments.  If your opinion, political, religious, or otherwise, was different than mine, I didn't have time for that. I now have friends, and dear friends, that have very strong opposing opinions and lifestyles from my own. I have grown as a person because of these friendships, and I think I am stronger and a better person because of them. I like who I am now better than I liked the "old" me.

Just let me give you a concrete example, so you understand better where I am with all of this. It used to offend me if people cussed in my presence.  Certain words, especially the "f" word, would cut me to the core. It isn't that I wasn't exposed to these words growing up either. My brothers and my sister and I used this kind of language growing up. But at one point in my life, these words became unacceptable to me. I quit talking like that, and most of the people I hung out with did not use that kind of language. I know there are still a lot of people that I know and love who are still offended with these types of words, and I can't really explain how the change happened in me, but the words don't offend me any more. I think that sometimes people have to use strong language to express strong emotions. Believe it or not, this change happened to me over the course of ministering to a profoundly hurt and abused person.

The true cure for being "thin skinned" is to really love people. You cannot really love people and be "thin skinned." You know why? Because real life happens to real people. Real life is not pretty sometimes. In fact, real life can be downright ugly. And if you ignore or shun someone because they are struggling with something awful and ugly, what good are you doing?

Now, I know this too. Sometimes you need to cut people out of your life. If someone is abusing you constantly, if there is no good thing to be gained by keeping that person in your life, cut them out. Sometimes you see that keeping someone else in your life is not the best thing for that person, either. Call it quits, even if it is temporary. We all have lessons to learn and sometimes those lessons are best learned in another classroom. It may not seem like the loving thing to do, but sometimes you can love people better from a distance. Examine yourself closely, be sure you are not just being "thin skinned". Always be willing to forgive and move forward, but do not allow someone to continuously abuse you.

As for the "friend" who unfriended me, I am fine with that. It is sad that my expressing an opposing opinion was what caused it, but so be it. We all have choices to make every day about whom we keep as friends and allies. My pledge is that I will try better today to love people more and to not be thin skinned. That doesn't mean that I never express my own real opinions and thinking, but it means I tolerate and even embrace your right to do so.

Let's Do Something!

I have never been one to sit around for long. I do not enjoy just sitting, mindlessly watching every show that comes on the television for hours at a time. Even as a little girl, I was always anxious to get outside and do something. (Although I really did love me some "Lassie" and "Roy Rogers".) I had a pretend horse named "Candy" who somewhere around the time I was 8 years old morphed into bicycle shape. My Dad raised beagles, so there was always a dog or puppy to play with. There was a big barn at the farm house where we rented with a sleepy old donkey. In fact, that was his name, "Sleepy". We had lots of adventures with Sleepy. He was somewhat of an escape artist, and we would have to go catch him somewhere. It was never easy because, once he was free, he didn't want to be caught again. You would get near him and he would kick like a mule and be off. There were woods to ramble in, usually with a dog or two. In winter it seems that there was always snow. It was before "global warming" after all, and it was Indiana. I do not remember any "brown" winters. Winter was white.

Now that I am 53, I confess that I do sit a lot more than I used to back then. But I still am anxious to get out and do something most days. If we can't get out and walk somewhere, at least we can drive somewhere and do something. Jay is a little less inclined. To be fair, since he has started his Security Guard job where he walks a lot, he has lost all the tummy that he gained while he was unemployed. Also, since he works swing shift he never knows when he should eat and what.  He looks quite emaciated when he takes off his clothes. I always want to fatten him up when we are here together on the weekends. I make sure he eats three times a day when I am home. I cook extra on the weekends so that he has stuff to eat when I am not here before he leaves for work on Mondays and Tuesdays. Still, most days he only eats about twice a day. And when he is home and not working, he is much more inclined to sit and watch television or read than to go out to ski or walk or any fun thing that I might suggest.

The hard part of going out to do things in the winter time is that it is cold, and it might be snowing. It has snowed a lot this winter. It has been colder, too, than winters in most recent memory. I love to ski, but you have to go out in the cold to do it! I don't mind this. I would rather bundle up and spend a day skiing than stay here in the nice warm house. If I am home, I am likely to cook or bake, or both. That doesn't help my weight problem at all! I would rather spend four hours on the ski slopes.

I also like to walk. We have a park within about a mile of the house, Krider Gardens. We can walk there on the trail that is just down the hill from our house. We also have a nice, woodsy park about four miles from our house, Bonneyville Mill. I love walking in the woods when it is freshly covered with snow. There are trails there, though they aren't always groomed. We just had a blizzard on Wednesday, as you may have already heard. There was officially 12 1/2 inches of snow, and some drifts with that are 4 feet. I doubt if they have that groomed at Bonneyville Mill yet. Otherwise, I would not be sitting here writing this blog. I would be over there walking the trails. One of these days, we will have to get cross country skis and go over there to do that. It's beautiful! There are other county parks in Elkhart County, but Bonneyville Mill is my favorite because it is so woodsy. I have seen deer, turkey, even a fox once. There are always geese and ducks on the river that flows through. It is so quiet and serene.

Anyway, all this about getting out and doing something has made me antsy. I think we are going to go ski this afternoon. I am going to have to get out to the garage and get our ski equipment brought in so that it isn't freezing when we go to put it on. I also need to make sure our snow pants and mittens and other snow paraphernalia are all clean and packed and ready to go. And I need to have a nice hot meal ready for when Jay gets home from his first-shift day today. He is a lot happier to go skiing if he has a warm meal in his tiny little belly!

Blizzards and Stuff

Results of the blizzard of 1978. Al Greek, Harry Glasper and Steve Noonan showing how deep was the snow.

I think the worst/best blizzard I ever lived through was the blizzard of 1978. It snowed hard for about three days. It wasn't just the snow, it was the way it blew into huge drifts. EVERYTHING was closed. No, I take that back. There were places that had to be open, like the Kroger on Ireland Road, because people who were stranded had to be able to get emergency supplies. I was living on campus of a small, mostly unknown Bible College in South Bend at the time. I had been "dating" Jay for only about a month and it was during this period of being snowed in that he actually asked me to marry him. I know what you're thinking. Only dated a month? Yeah, well, we were both on campus of that school for four months before that, and we dated several more months after that before we actually got married. But still, you're right. I didn't really know him well enough, and it is a miracle that this has lasted for almost 33 years. He asked me to marry him on February 3, 1978, while we were snowed in during that blizzard. I guess that gave me a good enough reason to be fond of blizzards.

I know it isn't popular to like things like blizzards. I am well aware that blizzards cause deaths and distress and make a general mess of everyday life. I am bothered by the death and distress, but I have to admit, it is the havoc that is made of "everyday life" that makes me like them. To me, it is fun to have things disturb the hub-bub of everyday life. It is disturbances or out-of-the-ordinary occurrences that make life more interesting and memorable. You don't usually remember an ordinary day too well. But add a disturbance, and it makes the day more memorable. We tend to attach memories to special occasions: weddings, birthdays, funerals,...blizzards...

We had a fire here in Middlebury, Thursday, January 27th. Probably the only people who will remember it will be  the ones that live here in Middlebury that saw it in progress and had to pass by the remains of the burned structure every day. They may not remember the date. I had to stop and think about it a minute, and I was here taking pictures of it most of the evening.

The blizzard we had February 1st and 2nd of this year will be a different story. It was not just our little town that experienced that blizzard. That storm had a pretty wide belt. Whether or not you got snow or ice it affected so many people across the US that it will be well remembered for years to come. There will be stories built around it and memories attached to it. Some of them won't be good memories. A dear friend of mine lost her mother to cancer the day the storm hit. My daughter-in-law will remember that she was once again parted from her husband as he left for survival training for the military. A 93 year old man in Brown County Indiana accidentally locked himself out of his home and froze to death during the night. There were people who got stranded in traffic on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago that had to abandon their cars on the street and seek shelter. Plain old shoveling snow from driveways and parking areas was not fun!

There will be good memories too. Children stayed home from school two days and had snow adventures. My daughter, a Montessori teacher, also stayed home and went "crazy in the kitchen" to her heart's content. A lot of people stayed home, safe and warm and happy that they didn't have to go anywhere. Maybe someone got engaged during that time. It happened to me once!

It does me a lot of good to just have time off for a day to get caught up on some rest, to have some solitude, to bake some pumpkin bread and ponder on life. I guess we are all just holding on tight or hanging loose, depending on your situation, and a blizzard can be a major disturbance or a welcome respite, or in some cases, a real catastrophe. But any day can be that. Stuff happens.

I am "Mom"

Some of my youngest and best memories I have involve my mother. The fartherest I can go back in my memory, the first thing I can remember about myself is of my older brother and me playing in a sand box in the back yard of what was then our home, probably our first home in Tipton Indiana. We had a pail and a big plastic ball. Our mother called us into the house for lunch. I don't remember what the inside of the house was like, or what we had for lunch, but I remember the incident.
By the time I was in high school, my mom was my best friend and confidant. She always had something useful to say to a girl who didn't have much self esteem back then. I would go to her in tears because of some unkind person at school, and she would tell me not to take it to heart. She kept me on a pretty steady course and got me through adolescence. Barely!

Anyway, now I am "Mom". I have three great kids (two have spouses now.) I remember vividly when they were born, the thrill of every little new thing they learned to do. I remember sitting on a winter afternoon with one on my lap and two close beside me on the couch as I read books to them. We passed many winter days like that. (And summer, oh, and all the seasons!) I remember, too, loving them so much that sometimes I thought that love would just smother me to death. My mom always used to tell me that I would not understand how much she loved us kids until I had my own. If I had known how much she loved me, I know I would have appreciated her more back then.

You know, there are just some things that you really don't learn about your mom until you become "Mom" yourself. Like, remember when your mom would clean up after you when you had "been sick".  (Well, maybe your mom made you clean it up, but my mom cleaned up after me, at least while I was little.) I remember when I was an elementary school student a classmate vomited all over his desk. It was all I could do not to vomit too. How was our mom able to clean up vomit? When I became "Mom", I learned. You can do anything for your kids.

When I left for college, I drove myself away. Mom was in the kitchen and she wouldn't even say goodbye to me. I thought she was just mad; both she and dad were really not in favor of my going to school. I have since discovered how very much it hurts when your children leave to go and make a life for themselves. I am not ashamed to admit that I wept openly when each one of my little birds flew away from the nest. I have learned that it is best for my psyche to mark the changes of life by expressing the emotion that fits. I rejoice loudly when the occasion calls for it. I allow myself to mourn deeply when the occasion calls for it.

Because I am Mom, I know what it is to be the kisser of hurt knees, the guidance counselor, the judge of what is fair, nurse to the sick, sacrificer of self, birthday party planner, pet undertaker, the patient teacher, (and sometimes, the not so patient, eh?)
Never perfect in any of these endeavors, and filled with regret some days, but still, I benefit from the many joys that have been mine, because I am Mom. So here is to all Moms, everywhere, still four months away from "Mother's Day", because we all deserve it. And to my Mom, I love you!

Thoughts for a Snowy Day

If you get an opportunity to drive anywhere, or even to walk somewhere, right after a freshly fallen snow, similar to the one we have just had here this weekend, use your eyes.
Take in the sight of all the world around you dressed in white. If you really hate snow, I ask you to suspend your usual inclination to just say, "yuck", and try to see the beauty in the day.

At the moment of my writing this, Middlebury is covered in snow. The morning sun is shining down, lighting up all the white. Everything is covered with snow. I absolutely love it! I have a lot to do today, but I think I am going to go out for a quick walk in just a few minutes (right after I put another load of laundry in to wash) and take the camera.
I want to record some of this for some hot, sultry summer day.

On some future day, when summer is here and it is too hot to breathe, I will come in here to my computer. I will bring up my winter pictures. I will remember where I was and what I was doing when I took those pictures, and how cold it was. I will remember that there will be a return of this kind of weather. Though the older I get, the more the extreme temperatures, both hot and cold, seem to affect my body more adversely, I will still rejoice in the winter days that brought all this beauty.

In the photo at the top of this page, you will see another recording of a wintery day from years past. This picture is taken of a barnyard near Bonneyville Mill. I know, there is a dumpster right in the middle of the picture. That is unfortunate, but, to me, it is still an extraordinary memory. The picture was actually taken right after a late snow. It was, in fact, a March snow. I drove the back roads from Middlebury into Bristol and took several pictures along the way. This is one of my favorites because of the thick woods in the backdrop all covered with fresh snow. And I love old barns. I love that whole area of Elkhart County, anyway. But the barn with the woods makes it the best; along with the snow that is.

Anyway, I just want to remind you to enjoy the beauty. And to those of you who don't think it so particularly thrilling or beautiful, remember; "This too shall pass."

Is There Such A Thing As A "Good Sleep"

Sleep like a baby.

   It is rather frustrating getting older. All of the things that I did not understand about my parents and other elderly friends, loss of energy and strength, the not being able to open a jar of pickles, dislike of extreme cold or heat, etc...all of these things have come to haunt me! And the worst of the maladies that I now seem to suffer from is not being able to get a good night's sleep. Yes, that is the most frustrating of all.

  While I am not so young, I am not so old. Yet, I find that I frequently cannot lay down at a reasonable hour and sleep until another reasonable hour. NO! If I lay down to sleep at 10:00, I must get up at 11:30 or 1:00 for a nature call. And, for no reason known to me, I must always wake up again around 4:00 a.m. I don't really "have to go", but I do, because, most mornings, I don't need to be up and around until 6:00. So I "go" and then hope that I can go back to sleep for a couple of hours. But it's a crap shoot if I will be able to sleep those extra two hours.

   I will say this; while I was getting up and walking regularly for those months before the week we went to Mississippi, I was sleeping better. I think there is something to that "fresh-air-and-sunshine thing, and its effects on our overall health. I can still walk mornings. It's just that, since Christmas, I have not been out more than three times. It takes a lot to get up on a dark, freezing morning, get bundled up, and go out for a thirty minute or an hour jaunt. I am determined to get back to it, but just haven't had the will power the last two weeks.

  Anyway, I know there are sleep aids. I know they work, too. I took melatonin for a little while, and it helped. I do not want to be dependent on yet another "product" (read P-I-L-L) for another function of life. I am only 53, and it looks like I will be on thyroid medication for the rest of my life. Now the Dr. has put me on iron tablets because of low hemoglobin, I am hoping that is temporary. I would really like to solve as many health problems as I might be presented with natural remedies. So, even though it is cold, and I must get up at 5:30 instead of 6:00, and it is pretty dark right now at 5:30 am; I must get back to my early morning walks!