Thin Skinned

Something happened this weekend that I was just going to let completely go, because it really doesn't matter in the end. Just remember that I said this first, and let me repeat, "It Really Doesn't Matter!"  You see, one of my Facebook friends "unfriended" me.  No big deal. But the reason the person unfriended me was because I stated a counter political opinion to the one she had posted. I would tell you about it, but I think it is sufficient to say that I did vote for Obama, and though I don't support everything he has done, I do see the good in a lot of his and his wife's initiatives to do something for our country. But that is not what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about being "thin skinned". It's a term  I learned from my mom. It's a concept that I have been learning for years. "Thin skinned" is what you are when you can't tolerate any other person's views on anything. It is taking personal offense and declaring wars over generalities. I see it frequently, and have practiced it myself for years. I have learned, over and over again, that it is not a loving way to react or to be.

Some persons think that they can afford to be "thin skinned", because they know the truth and have wrapped themselves in its cocoon. It gives them the shield that they need so they think they can behave however they want. It results in the attitude of, "If you won't play by my rules, I will take my ball and go home." The end result is a broken relationship, just the same.

I won't say that I used to be "thin skinned".  I have to say that I still struggle with this. I have learned so much over the last 10 to 15 years, I hope.  I used to make sweeping judgments.  If your opinion, political, religious, or otherwise, was different than mine, I didn't have time for that. I now have friends, and dear friends, that have very strong opposing opinions and lifestyles from my own. I have grown as a person because of these friendships, and I think I am stronger and a better person because of them. I like who I am now better than I liked the "old" me.

Just let me give you a concrete example, so you understand better where I am with all of this. It used to offend me if people cussed in my presence.  Certain words, especially the "f" word, would cut me to the core. It isn't that I wasn't exposed to these words growing up either. My brothers and my sister and I used this kind of language growing up. But at one point in my life, these words became unacceptable to me. I quit talking like that, and most of the people I hung out with did not use that kind of language. I know there are still a lot of people that I know and love who are still offended with these types of words, and I can't really explain how the change happened in me, but the words don't offend me any more. I think that sometimes people have to use strong language to express strong emotions. Believe it or not, this change happened to me over the course of ministering to a profoundly hurt and abused person.

The true cure for being "thin skinned" is to really love people. You cannot really love people and be "thin skinned." You know why? Because real life happens to real people. Real life is not pretty sometimes. In fact, real life can be downright ugly. And if you ignore or shun someone because they are struggling with something awful and ugly, what good are you doing?

Now, I know this too. Sometimes you need to cut people out of your life. If someone is abusing you constantly, if there is no good thing to be gained by keeping that person in your life, cut them out. Sometimes you see that keeping someone else in your life is not the best thing for that person, either. Call it quits, even if it is temporary. We all have lessons to learn and sometimes those lessons are best learned in another classroom. It may not seem like the loving thing to do, but sometimes you can love people better from a distance. Examine yourself closely, be sure you are not just being "thin skinned". Always be willing to forgive and move forward, but do not allow someone to continuously abuse you.

As for the "friend" who unfriended me, I am fine with that. It is sad that my expressing an opposing opinion was what caused it, but so be it. We all have choices to make every day about whom we keep as friends and allies. My pledge is that I will try better today to love people more and to not be thin skinned. That doesn't mean that I never express my own real opinions and thinking, but it means I tolerate and even embrace your right to do so.