November 4, 2012

We were in Chicago this past weekend. We went there because my cousin, Karen, was there for business and I had not seen her in 38 years. It was great to see her.  We didn't really get to spend a whole lot of time together. We ate at the Webber Grill Restaurant on the corner of Grand and State Streets. We then went to her hotel and sat in the lobby for a little bit and talked some more. Then we parted, promising it will not be so long until the next time we see each other. Maybe I will go see her at her home, and my other cousins, her sisters, and their mother. Maybe she will be back in the Chicago area again.  But, I wanted to talk about something else that happened to me while I was in Chicago this weekend.

We were in Chicago to see my cousin. But I also saw other people. I mean, hey, there are always a LOT of people in Chicago. But the particular people that we saw that I keep thinking about were the people on the streets. I mean, the ones that live there, if that is what you can call living, on the streets. The photo at the top of this page, you may not be able to tell, is a man sleeping on the street. He was there Sunday morning on my way to Dunkin Donuts to get myself some breakfast and some coffee for Jay. He was trying to sleep there, on the street, around the corner from my hotel. I found myself slipping into the mode of "should I or shouldn't I?" I wondered if his mother knew he was there, sleeping on the street. How long had he been there? He had an old suitcase at his head, he was covered with his coat and his little yellow blanket. It was about 38 degrees out there all night. Did he have any place to go? What is he going to do when it gets colder? He was not the only one. There were others. People sat with little signs. "I have a wife and two children. Wife and I lost our jobs. WE ARE HUNGRY. Please Help." His wife was across the street with a similar sign. They sat silently, heads bowed, faces covered by the signs.

Now, I know a thing or two or three. I know I could not help all of these people. I know that some of them are there because of drug or alcohol addictions. I know that if you "help" even one of these people, they are still going to be in the same spot in 24 hours or less. In fact, I have also been taught not to give money to these people, if you really want to help them, it would be better to actually buy them a sandwich than to give them money for one that they can use for more drugs or alcohol. And, in fact, I did not help any of these people at all. But I keep wondering about them, especially the guy in the picture above. I consider myself a Christian, and I keep wondering what was my responsibility toward these people? In the city where I live, we don't run into street people very often. There are organizations here to keep people off the streets. Homeless people can get help...food...a place to stay. But Chicago, I don't know, maybe there are too many of them. Maybe they don't know where to go. Maybe they are conning people. 

I don't really have any answers. Maybe you have some ideas. How do you deal with these people and their needs? I mean, this is humanity. Most everyone else did the same as I did this weekend. You just walk past, don't make eye contact, don't give them anything. They are PEOPLE! What if we took a minute and just treated them like people? I don't know. I do know that I am not finished thinking about this. My main purpose in writing this blog was just to help me think it through some more. Thanks for reading.

Love,

Lorri

Six Months

 
 It's going on six months. Six months ago yesterday evening I lost my older brother. Six months ago tomorrow morning, my sister and I sang "Softly and Tenderly (Jesus is Calling) to my Dad, and ten minutes later he went to be with Jesus. It still hurts me to the point of tears whenever I think about how that all  came about. My brother had been on dialysis for months, had known two Christmases ago that he was going to need a kidney transplant to survive. He probably also knew that his time was ticking away and that he was not going to get on "The List" in time. He was getting weaker and weaker. He was angry with the specialist because he rescheduled his appointment, at least once, if not twice. (That part is kind of fuzzy in my mind.) And who could blame him for that?
   Dad was fine, as far as we knew, this time last year. We had gone down to celebrate my sister's August Birthday while my niece was home from Ireland. The day after that celebration, something wasn't right with Dad. That something wound up being diagnosed as cancer. Still, we hoped that it was treatable/curable.
Things went along in due course. He came through the surgery in January just fine. But something went terribly wrong during the course of his recovery. And, it's still a mystery to me, but both Larry and Dad wound up going to two separate hospitals on the same day, January 28, both via ambulance. And they both died within two days of each other, less than a week later. The rest of our family, my two younger brothers, my sister, my mom, and all of those whom belonged to each of us, were left reeling. My poor mom, they had been married 56 years. It would be like tearing half of your heart out and burying it in the grave. How do you "move on" after that? People expect you to, so you put on a brave front. But when nobody is there, you cry. You cry a lot.
   I am not ashamed that I still cry about this at least once a week. If I stop being "busy", I think about it. In unguarded moments, even sometimes with people all around, it just hits me. When I think about when we all first walked into that funeral parlor and were confronted with twin caskets, the shock of that...then the emotions take over.
   I know they are in a better place. There is a degree of peace that comes from that. Larry doesn't suffer anymore. Dad doesn't suffer any more. And there are people who have it a lot worse than we do. I think of the Ginthers, who lost three sons in one car accident. I think of the pastor of that church who lost his whole family, his wife and all of his kids in a senseless car accident.One of my Aunts lost her husband one year and then two daughters within five months of each other the next year. I guess we all have to deal with our own pain in life. And people would remind me that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, which I don't know if that is exactly true, because sometimes I feel like this is all making me a little crazy. Somehow, we have to hang on and learn whatever it is that we have to learn by going through this stuff. Maybe it is just so that we can comfort others when they are going through it. We know what others say and do that helps prop us up, so we can maybe help others.
    But maybe this is all just part of human existence. Maybe there are no lessons. Maybe we just go through this because the longer we live, the more likely we are to experience the pain of loved ones passing, one by one or in multiples (and God please forbid that we should lose multiples again). Maybe we are made more human because we have to face our own frailty. We have to admit that we can't control these things. I do have to think that if I was God, which I never will be, of course, I wouldn't have let this happen this way. I can't find the sense in it. Some of my friends don't believe that there even is a God, and I don't know how they deal with these times in their lives. But for me, I have decided that God is still mysterious. I haven't got Him all figured out. To me, He is in control and I am not. So, even though it doesn't make sense to me how or why these things happen, I am going to go on with life. I am hoping that some day I will have worked through all of this. But even if I never do, I know in my heart that God does not hold it against me that I am struggling with all of this right now. That is all.

Photo Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

Visit Shutterfly.com to create your own personalized photobook.

Moving...again

We have been living happily in Middlebury for the last thirteen years. For the last three years we have rented this house at 402 W. Berry Street. It has been a tough three years, but the highlight has been living here, so close to downtown that we can walk down two blocks to our bank, a restaurant, a hardware store, and a few other great places. We can walk a couple more blocks and be at one of the greatest parks in the area, Krider Gardens. We live only a block from a leg of the Pumpkin Vine Nature Trail. I have so loved living here, and I will miss it greatly.

Many of you know that Jay lost his Dad in October. We had just had lunch with him at Olive Garden for Jay's birthday the Saturday previous to the week that he died. It's still hard to believe that he went so fast. At any rate, Jay's Dad and his wife, Edna, were living in one of the duplexes that are now part of the estate that he left behind. Edna is moving out and we are moving in. We may have to rent it for the first couple of months, until the estate gets settled. But, when the estate gets settled, we will be living there for free. In our situation, free is good.

Another advantage to this move is that it will be closer for me to get to work. I will be able to go home over lunch. I'm excited about that. I'm also happy about the idea of having Krull Cabinets again. My husband built all the cabinetry in the duplexes. I have missed having Krull Cabinets while I have been in Middlebury, though we had them briefly in the basement kitchen in the house on County Road 35.

I know that the move will bring some welcome changes to our situation, financially and otherwise. But, oh, how I will miss my dear Middlebury! I will miss being so close and in such a safe environment that I can get up in the morning while it is still dark and walk for an hour, and never feel threatened. We will live close to a number of shopping areas in Elkhart's north side, but I will not feel safe to walk to these areas due to the traffic count and just the general crime rate in Elkhart. I will find a place to walk, but it may be an indoor spot.

This is Andy and Tricia surprising Grandpa at what will soon be our front door.

Anyway, moving is always an adventure. I have to find homes for a lot of items I can no longer keep because of space considerations. It's a good thing we downsized when we moved here, but we need to super downsize now!