In the Name of Fun

Once upon a time, a man that I know very well used to think that the fun thing to do was to get drunk. I am not going to tell you who the man is, and I will ask you not to ask, please. Anyway, when the man was young, from his late teens, the way he and his friends had fun was to get drunk. I cannot say how long this lasted. I think that there may have been a number of years. I lost track of him and his habits. I know that it was rather a lifestyle thing with him.

The years passed. Somewhere along the way the lifestyle changed and the alcohol was not so important anymore. But the damage had been done. I wouldn't tell you about it at all, would I, if there had not been repercussions? No, because there would be no story in that. A lot of people do things in their youth that they aren't proud of later. It just doesn't profit to talk about it, so we don't. But this is different. I am telling you about this because maybe it will be something that will profit you, if you are wise.

The man is older, but not much older, than me. I saw him last about 8 months ago. He didn't look too bad then. But that was before he started dialysis. It was before the doctors told his family that the cirrhosis in his liver had increased significantly. It was before the operation that he had on his stomach for (yet another) ulcer. One of the man's family members told me that he now looks like a holocaust survivor. He is skin and bones, his face is sunken in, he has dark circles around his eyes. He spends three days a week for several hours at a time hooked up to a kidney dialysis machine. I looked up kidney disease in the encyclopedia. It told me that the people who have lost a kidney or have kidney damage are kept alive by this machine.

Ever since I heard about this change that has come over the man in the last 8 months, whenever I have time to think about it; and even though I am trying not to, I think about him. I am sort of frightened for him. Though he is only a couple of years older than me, I fear he may have an untimely end. His health has gone away. I hope he doesn't read this, yet I am going to post it. I am posting it because there are too many people that I know who might need to pause and think when they drink. "What permanent damage might I be doing to my body?" Permanent damage can be done even when you think it's all in fun.

Of course, not everyone who drinks ends up with permanent liver damage, kidney failure and so forth. But, I ask you, why take the chance? I understand that there are some alcoholic beverages that can be, for some people, medicinal. Maybe moderation is the key. But, please, dear friends and loved ones, please take the time after you read this to evaluate your habits. If you have made it a lifestyle to drink, frequently or infrequently, please consider limiting yourself. Do a study about the risks of alcohol use. Don't judge your use by how much less often you get drunk than your friends. And don't just assume that you are not causing yourself harm, that you can "handle it".  I love you far too much to see you become like the man in my story. (Yes, he is a real person with a name and a family who loves him!) Don't be slowly killing yourself in the name of "fun".

Youngest Son Turns 27

Yesterday, as I was driving in to Mishawaka, the rain turned to rain-and-snow-mixed. It reminded me of the day 27 years ago when we were driving home from the birthing center where our dear Andrew Joseph had just hours earlier presented to the world.  It was the same kind of weather! How nostalgic for me. I remember it all so clearly. It doesn't seem like 27 years have really passed by.

Andy has always been a unique individual. He was the only one of my three children who did not breathe right away. It was just a little alarming to me that they were dragging out the oxygen tank for him, but he finally drew his first breath on his own. Since then, I must confess that Andy has done a lot of things that have been more than "a little alarming." He was the first one of my kids to ever break a bone (his right clavical), and the first one to ever have a concussion, (same accident, fell out of our parked van while we were taking down the balloon after a flight.) He went off on a back-packing trip all over Europe and parts of Asia in 2009 and 2010 for about five months. He was the first one of our kids to graduate from college, even though he is the youngest. He is probably the most out-going and people loving man you will ever want to know. He has his own very strong opinions, but he is not afraid to let you express yours. (Though, watch out, he is ready to argue any point.)

Andy is such a fun guy. He met lots of people on his trip and made fast friends out of them. This weekend, his birthday weekend, he is hosting some friends from Norway. He is taking them on a Viking Bar Crawl. I don't even really know what that is, but I am sure that his friends will have fun, because Andy planned it, and he knows how to have fun.

Andy has a wish to move out of the United States and be part of another culture. He took a lot of Japanese in college, at one time hoping to teach english in Japan. That, so far, has not worked out for him. He has been exploring other avenues to make his dream a reality. I have no doubt that some day he will do just that. I will miss him so much. I already do. But I want my kids to pursue their dreams and to be happy in life.

Happy Birthday, Andy!

Born to Work With Wood

It is just a shame in the day of manufactured housing and big box store cabinetry to know a true craftsman who cannot work his craft. See, that it what my husband is. He is an artist with wood. He created the kitchen you see in this photo. He designed it the old-fashioned way, with a pencil and an idea. True, he got a lot of the ideas about the design from the owner of the home, who knew what he wanted. But Jay put all the measurements together, designed the drawers to all work perfectly, the doors to all hang level, the cabinets to be sturdy, the island cabinet with it's hand made butcher block top...and in hickory wood with a natural finish. Then he built all of it, sanded every piece of wood through several processes. He put it all through his finish shop. I helped a little, and there was another guy at the time, helping. But Jay knew how it had to go together and how to finish it all and then install it. He was a wizard with wood.

This is a musical instrument called a hammered dulcimer. Jay made it. He made 24 of these when he was building them. He also made the cute little stand you see the instrument displayed on, which is adjustable so you can play the instrument while standing or while sitting. He also built the stool you see in the picture. He made a lot of those, too. I have a nice stool that he built at my bedside that I use for a table. It's very handy for keeping my water bottle and my thyroid medication on. Jay tells me that there are so many pieces and parts just in the stool and so much work in the stool alone. He would charge you $130.00 for the stool because of all the work he put into that. But, of course, you can go to Menards and buy one for about $25.00 on sale, so why would you pay $130.00 for this one?

See this table? The top opens and you can store things in it that you might like to display. You could put a hand gun collection in there, he would put a lock on there so it would be safe. Shhhhh, don't tell, but there is also a secret drawer on this table. Jay designed and built and finished this table, even the crazy legs! The legs are mahogany and the rest of the table is curly cherry. Have you even ever heard of curly cherry?

So, see, here we are, in this horrible economy, and all the craftsmen who build lovely things like these are being displaced. If they are lucky, they have a small shop where they can still build beautiful things, and maybe they can sell them and stay in business. If they are lucky. But, so many others, like Jay, have lost their very place in life. If Jay is not working with wood, then what else must he do? Perhaps, he can be a Security Guard. Oh, wait, he tried that. It didn't work out. Perhaps he can work at a trailer factory. Nope. They want people who can whip out ugly little wimpy cabinets in trailer factories. It doesn't matter if it is built to last, it has to just be built fast! Perhaps, just perhaps, he must go to McDonalds and flip hamburgers and fry french fries and come home at night smelling like grease. How very sad that he can't build beautiful things with wood and make a living doing that again. Maybe there is somewhere that he can go in this country and still do that. Maybe there still exists a place where they want things done the old fashioned way and where people don't want to buy the things to furnish their homes from Walmart. Maybe.

It is perplexing to me to see him try, time and again, to do something else. He must keep trying, and he does. But I know that Jay is not the only one who is in the same boat. There are men and women out there who used to build homes. Where are they now? There are very few homes being built, and you can bet the ones who are building them are barely eeking out their costs in building them. (See, there are a few people who still have money and they know that they have these guys over a barrel when the demand is so low for new homes; you can practically name your price!) The craftsmen also have families and bills to pay, and, if they can't do what they are accustomed to doing, what they have been trained to do, what they were born to do, then they become unskilled laborers for someone else. They are no longer independent, self-employed, masters of their trades. They have to go find labor and be happy possibly just working for minimum wages.

I shudder to think what will become of them. I hope, along with them, that things will soon pick back up again, and that they may happily go back to doing what they were born to do. But, I tend to be pessimistic about that happening any time soon. I keep thinking that it is in times like these when the creative thinker sees a new opportunity. What is that old saying "Necessity is the mother of invention." I keep thinking that this is the time to start some new enterprise. But what? What enterprise can you start with no money to invest and very poor credit (getting worse all the time)? We have friends that sell various things who would be glad to get us into their multi-level marketing schemes under them, of course. Been there, done that, not interested, thank you.

We are going to keep plugging away. We now agree that we must find more ways to cut costs and are going to need to move out of this nice, but too expensive place in Middlebury. We could probably make it on my income alone, if we had a smaller rent and less miles for me (or us, when he finds something again) to drive to work.  But how I miss the guy who was happy working with his wood.